Drive-By Thinking.

no. 365

Post? Oh, hell no. No way would I even try to write 365 posts in a year. For one, I simply don't have that much to say, and for another, I assume y'all have something better to do. But this is the last day of the latin calendar year, and for that I figure I might throw in a little something of interest – something y'all can read while you're primping for all of those parties.

Speaking of which, did you know you're getting a whole 'nother second as a late gift? No, really. I can't make this stuff up. Of course, I wouldn't blink, lest you miss this priceless bit. My goodness -- what shall we do with all this time?

I wonder how long we're going to go on with such an inaccurate time measure as the standard calendar before someone decides to make another major shift. Three, four hundred more years?

do you knit at all anymore?

Changing the subject again, I see. Okay, fine. Don't even pretend to be enthralled with my foray into deep philosophical thought.

deep thought. you. heh.

Just getting my toes wet at the pool. And yes, I do knit. Still. Lady J is richer by a pair of socks, thankyouverymuch. I did finish the Spring Forwards, and I am still thrilled with the pattern. I may well knit it again. I do not have photos of the finished item, because I threw them at her just after weaving in the ends

you threw them at her?

Yes, I did. She was on the other side of the room. I didn't mean threw as in "dodgeball." More like threw as in "tossed." Can I finish now?

yes, yes, go ahead.

Anyway, I tossed them to her and she wore them immediately thereafter. And I didn't have my camera with me. So take my word for it that they're done and lovely and all that. I'll post an in-progress photo later on so that y'all can see what I'm talking about. Maybe Lady J will send me a photo of her own feet in said socks. I'll leave that up to her, 'cause some folks think that sort of request is weird.

still don't know why you couldn't have gotten up and handed them to her like a normal person.

And people think I have issues. Whatever. The details for this project were:
Pattern: Spring Forward, from knitty.com, Summer '08.
Yarn: Yarn Love Scarlett O'Hara in "Darling." Bamboo/superwash wool/nylon blend.
Needles: US 1 Addi Turbos, magic looped.
Notes: It's a lovely yarn, and the way the yarn was painted made for a nice blend in the pattern. (You'll have to take my word for this.) I'd use it again, I think, but for not for socks. A little too soft and drapey. Personally, I like a stiffer fabric with some springback, and this didn't do it for me. The recipient had no such problem and was more than pleased with the way they felt on her feet. Ergo, this is really a non-issue.

but wait, there's more!

My niece's Christmas scarf (rav link). Also greatly appreciated -- she put it on and was still wearing it when we left, experimenting with how it looked best. (She's 9. I don't want to see her fashionista self at 16.)

Pattern: my own, but it's really just a stitch pattern pulled from the Harmony Lace & Eyelet stitch guide: the Lacy ZigZag. I cast on 44 stitches and did the math from there, leaving a four-stitch garter selvage on either side. Then I added a matching garter border on each end and some fringe. 60" long not counting the fringe, which turned out to be just the right length for her.
Yarn: sKnitches Kettle Drum in "Recycle." Bamboo/wool/nylon blend.
Needles: Clover bamboo straights, US 6.
Notes: This was a good use for the bamboo blend. Soft, silky, drapey, and with that nice sheen. I loved the way this semi-solid yarn was dyed -- the color variations were so subtle that you weren't sure if it was the yarn itself or a trick of the light with the way the pattern worked. It blocked out beautifully. (Got to use my new blocking wires! Woot!)

and if you order now…

we'll throw in this bit of trivia:

The first year that the ball was dropped in New York's Times Square was

No, wait. I'm not going to give you the answer. I'm going to make you give me the answer. Yeah. A contest of sorts. Heh.

Tell me what year the ball was first dropped and from all the correct answers, I'll use the random number generator and draw a winner. Then I'll send out goodies, not all yarn-related but possibly including fibery stuff (don't worry, I'm not going to ship you stale Christmas cookies). Now, for the purposes of this contest the right answer means what I think it is (and I looked it up on the innernets, so it must be true.)

Happy friggin' new year, y'all. Celebrate safely and watch out for all those kooks on the road.

and none too soon.

It's over, and I'm glad.

Warning -- do not read any further if you want to keep the holiday spirit façade up. This is not a fun-times and fairydust post.

a poem. kind of.

'Twas some days before Christmas
and at my abode
I was trying to figure
how to juggle the load.
The projects were piled on the table by the door
unraveling and gathering dust, lint, and more.
A finished scarf damply lay merrily blocking
and one lonely garment resembled a stocking.

Yet Little Green Monster sat staring in dread,
the clock on the wall ticking straight overhead.
Yes, packages are wrapped [check]
and cookies were ready.
We'd prepped proper fixins – no cheap, quick spaghetti.
But something was missing
some task left undone
something vaguely important, or maybe just fun.

I thought and I pondered
'til me wee brain was sore.
"I thought I'd planned everything
yet there's still more!
I've cookies and presents and really good dinners,
nice decorations and cards that are winners.
We've watched all the movies and cartoons galore,
reliving fond memories from seats on the floor.
So what could be missing?"
What didn't I see?
What single component had managed to flee?
And as I retrieved a fresh drink from the fridge,
the last working brain cell shifted a smidge.
"You doofus," it ranted, "You've only forgotten
the point of this season. You really are rotten."

So red-faced, I slowly returned to the blog.
It isn't your spare time I'm meaning to hog
but if you'll just allow me a little more time
the point -- well, I'll get to it all (and still rhyme).

See you, my dear readers – the reason I write –
you put up with everything, thoughtful or trite
that comes from my keyboard.
You may not agree,
but you still acknowledge it matters to me.
Without you I'm nothing
but just some hot air
just typing away as if someone could care.
Hug all your family, eat some good food.
Sample some beverages -- get in the mood.
Celebrate safely, and know in the end,
that I'm so damn lucky to call you my friend.

—Merry Christmas, y'all.

woman, thy name art "dumbass."

Three days until Christmas, and I'm up to my elbows in flour with only half the list completed.

Okay, maybe not the elbows.

Covering my backside is more like it. No, I don't know how it got there. The photographer was rather pleased with herself.

Everybody wave to Mom.

Anyway, the baking commenced. Tackled this weekend were the peanut blossoms for Lady D (her only request), snickerdoodles, peanut butter sandwiches, and triple chocolate biscotti. Dough was also made for gingersnaps, but that's still chilling in the fridge. I also managed to squeak dinner in there somewhere.

Boy, have we done a lot of dishes.

Thank the PTB for the invention of parchment paper. The cookie sheets were the only thing around here that didn't get washed ten or fifteen times.

Let's see… things that stand out in the Great Cookie Massacre of '08…

• I used two whole jars of peanut butter. Thankfully, HSH doesn't have school for two weeks.
• Mom was getting pretty raunchy while molding the gingersnap dough into a long … er … log.
• If you use a battecarne (meat hammer) to open hazelnuts, be sure to cover the nut with something before bashing it. Oh, and watch your fingers. Ask me how I figured this out.
• Biscotti are pretty good even before the second baking.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have biscotti to drizzle with melted semi-sweet chocolate, and presents to finish wrapping. TTFN.

don't say i never gave you anything.

The ice cream is on me.

Yep, I'm so bored I'm following some of the [excellent] tutorials over at psdtuts.com. Why not learn something while I'm sitting here, right?

Enjoy.

sweet mother of pearl…

…but things are getting busy around here.

We managed to decorate the tree

and the mantel.

We got the candle tower up,

along with the fabled leg lamp. (Please excuse the dust.)

Haven't put up the Festivus pole yet.

Also haven't put the zipper in the sweater yet. Maybe this weekend. I've been putting most of my energy into finishing the scarf, though I also have one of my nephew's socks completed.

Tomorrow Mom arrives for the holiday. I plan to put her to work straightaway. There's cookies that need baking (bourbon balls, anyone?), a house that needs cleaning (oh crap -- gotta scrub the toilet yet), and presents to finish. (The Elves union emailed me. Apparently there's an overtime issue in the North Pole wrapping department, and in an effort to head off a potential work stoppage they're simply sending Big Red One with unwrapped toys this year. I know, I know… but when you don't read the fine print in the contract you get stuck with the grunt work.)

Now -- I'm off to put another couple of repeats on the aforementioned scarf. Play nicely, 'k?

T: -12 and counting

gulp.

knit, forrest! knit!

This pile of green ramen has to be a finished scarf in less than two weeks. (sKNITches kettle drum in "recycle", thanks for asking.) I don't know if it's going to make it.

Wish me luck.

greetings from entropy central.

Two more things crossed off the list today. Progress.

more signs it's christmas time…

HSH creates her countdown calendar.

The calendar is a tradition dating back… well… eons. To when I was a little kid. After dinner each night, a parental review of the day's behavior was done and if it ended positively, my brother and I each got to put a star on that day. Bad behavior  -- no star. Exemplary behavior -- double stars. It stayed up for Santa's visit, because we were assured that he checked the number of stars before leaving anything under the tree. (Of course, we were also assured that he much preferred a shot of whisky to a glass of milk and cookies, too.) Mom always had us decorate our own calendar, and so HSH gets to do the dirty work on hers.

Good clean entertainment.

The non-stop parade of videos has begun. I have nearly all my old favorites on DVD, and HSH watches them all. Charlie Brown is her favorite. Come on -- you know you love it too. 

Lucy: "I never get what I really want."

Charlie Brown: "What's that?"

Lucy: "Real estate."

Hey, I finally got to see Olive the Other Reindeer last night. Honest -- I'd never seen it before. That was cute! A lot of adult-type humor (not adult like in nasty but adult like in, well, plays on words and stuff), but HSH seemed to think it was funny. She said they had watched it in school.

For this I pay tuition.

But I'm getting things done, slowly but surely. Cookies are next, now that shopping is just about wrapped up (not literally. yet. that'll come later). I have some things to ship, a house to clean, and a scarf to finish.

whoa whoa whoa… you don't knit for christmas.

I know. I got a last-minute request. From a kid. And I can't refuse a kid. Well, I can, but I'm not going to. She's not asked for anything specifically before, and so I agreed. I took a skein of sock yarn and the Harmony Lace stitch guide and have something going. I figure I'll just knit until I run out of yarn -- that should be long enough for your average kid. 

But I'm not making this a habit.

so what did the doctor say?

Well, he told me a story about a naked inmate who broke out of the van taking him to the mental hospital and ran down the boulevard in front of their practice with two blanket-carrying sheriffs in hot pursuit…

…but something tells me that wasn't what you expected as an answer.

I got a scrip to clear up my congestion, a lecture about my blood pressure and an appointment for a mammogram. He also gave me the "end of the warranty" lecture about all the fabulous things I get to watch for now that I've turned another decade on the odometer. Effing marvelous. Oh, and ever have a GYN exam with only males in attendance? It was odd. Not uncomfortable (excepting the obvious) but odd. At least someone thought to tack reading material to the ceiling first.

He also related a story about a professor in med school who advised his students to have a codeword between the doctor and his associates, just in case something went awry and an extra hand was needed. "Just make sure it's not 'oops'," the professor said.

"So," sez me, "what's your codeword?"

"I'm not telling," he replied.

Dang.

Yeah, I know what you mean, Freckles. Sometimes it's just that kind of day.

muchas gracias.

(some of that there Spanish lingo.)

I made a decision -- printed out the ideas and worked them around a bit, combined some, threw 'em into a fishbowl and ran three or four past my boss. We settled on

"Where am I and how did I get on this rock?"

Whether or not this becomes the final postcard line or not is anyone's guess, but that's the first proof. I'm allowed to be a bit of a smartass with this campaign -- they've let me write the copy for the calendar without editing out the humor, so I don't see why this will be any different in the end. I guess so long as they don't have to write the copy, they don't much care.

In any case, thank you all for contributing. I'm a wee bit burnt out creatively -- happens at the end of the year -- and any help to grease the wheels is greatly appreciated. Besides, it's fun to see how everyone else approaches things.

did you work on that zipper?

No. But I am planning on buying one this weekend. One way or another it will get done. Assuming I'm not too chickenshit to take it out of the package.

in other news

I made of list of what I need to do between now and Christmas, and I'm proud to say that I crossed off two things today.

[silence]

Hey, that's progress in my small world. Another thing is almost done, one more is likely officially crossed off already but I need to make sure, and three more aren't officially my responsibility -- more like reminding someone to do it. So it's only nine more tasks. Phthththppttttt.

Oh, and HSH is writing a follow-up letter to Santa. In case her first one went awry. She drew a picture on it of us decorating the tree. Hizzoner is standing next to the tree, smiling. She's standing in front of the tree, smiling. I'm falling off a ladder. She'd better pray she gets to Santa before I do….

fill the space, already.

Indeed. Taking my cue from the lovely and talented Zonda, I give you a bit of fluff and frivolity:

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
If I was, there's no one willing to admit to doing so.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Tuesday. My head exploded in a random migraine and lemme tell ya -- when the pain gets that bad it's either cry or scream. I chose the less violent solution.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes… it's artsy… original… and largely illegible.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Hard salami. GOOD hard salami. (As opposed to Genoa salami. Sheesh, you people! Pull your minds above your belts for five minutes!!)

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
One. HSH is more than enough, thank you.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I dunno. I think I could find something better to do with my time. But hey, why the hell not.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
What do you think?

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Hold on… I'll check…gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
On purpose? Are you effing crazy? Never! Didn't matter HOW much tequila you poured into me.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I like GrapeNuts. Especially with ice cream. Satisfyingly crunchy little buggers.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Only if I wear shoes that tie.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Physically? Yeah. I'm pretty strong. Except for my back. And I've got a bum knee. Mentally? Well….

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Friendly's Forbidden Chocolate. Since I don't get it very often, I'll settle for a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie. (Yeah, ironic. A conservative who buys Ben & Jerry's. Heh.)

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their comfort level.

15. RED OR PINK?
Green.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I'm a control freak. It gets in my way.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Daddy.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO DO THIS?
I prefer you to think for yourself.

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Whatever colorway these Mountain Colors socks are knit in. I don't wear shoes in the house.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
I've been trolling for dessert after eating the last of the baby carrots.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The dishwasher. Which is drowning out the Manhattan Transfer singing "Another Night in Tunisia" on my iTunes party shuffle.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
HSH says I'm silver. She studies the box of 64 carefully before telling me that. Apparently I'm getting my hair colored none too soon.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
A new box of Crayolas. Playdoh. The way the sky smells before it snows. The Godiva store in the mall.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Mom. Who informed me that yes, I could open the mysterious package she sent without calling the bomb squad first.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Duh. I don't call everyone "lovely and talented."

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Hockey. Baseball, if it's live. Football on television. Sleek, hard males in speed suits streaking across a pool
I'm sorry, what was the question?

27. HAIR COLOR?
Right now? Dark brown with silver. (It's not grey, it's SILVER, goddammit.) After Saturday, well, it's anyone's guess.

28. EYE COLOR?
Nearly black. I had an ex-boyfriend ask me if my eyes were permanently dilated. (Strike three, bozo.)

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Hell, I can't even find my damn glasses. You think anyone would trust me with contacts? Besides, I can't stick things in my eyes. Now Hizzoner -- he's good at that stuff.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Yes.
Oh. You want specifics. Umm… I like pasta. And spicy stuff. I had some great pancit the other day. Lit me up. The spicier the better.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Gee, I don't really care. I guess happy endings. I can't do scary stuff. Messes with my head. Then I sit up all night with a shotgun and it's just no fun for anyone.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
All the way through? Goldeneye.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Pink chenille sweater. My favorite baby pink chenille zip-front sweater.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter. Summer's too damn hot and sticky. I can fix cold. I can't do much with heat and humidity.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs. Big squeezy bear hugs.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Yes.
Oh. Specifics again. Sheesh. Um… the one that sticks with me is that chocolate torte that Big Moose Inn used to serve. They'd give you this tiny sliver of stuff, and just as you thought you'd been ripped off, you've discovered that it's so bloody rich that you're going to have to be rolled out of the place if you finish it.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
I dunno. I leave that up to you peoples.

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
What, do I look like a friggin psychic? (That's -ic, not -o, thankyouverymuch.)

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
A Breath of Snow and Ashes, by Diana Gabaldon. I've had it for two years and am finally getting around to it. Because it's the last (theoretically) in the series I'm milking it.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
My mouse. Come on -- that's a no brainer.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I've only missed two years out of the 30-odd years I've been watching it. No, wait -- three.

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
Baby giggles.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
ABBA. I detest both the Beatles and the Stones, to my husband's eternal astonishment. ("Welcome to the Rolling Stones 85th Anniversary Tour, sponsored by Geritol!")

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Salzburg, Austria.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Depends what you call "special."

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In a hospital. Eons ago.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
If you answer this and let me know you did, I'll be happy to read it. I like seeing how people answer these things.

i need help.

(kind of goes without saying, I know, but I'm serious.)

I'm trying to write a caption/tagline/hook/whateveryouwanttocallit for the front of a promotional postcard. To go along with a "world travel" themed calendar, I'm doing a series of postcards to be mailed to clients monthly to remind them of services offered by the company. The postcards feature a map of a country and photos of that country -- things that you'd associate with it. The tagline doesn't have to be relevant to a sales pitch (for example, I simply translated "I don't wish you were here – then it wouldn't be a vacation" into French) but it wouldn't hurt if it were relevant to the image (I used "dance like there's no tomorrow" with a tangoing couple for Argentina).

I'm stuck. Maybe I need different images, but I kind of like how this one's turned out:

(images used in the composite above are lo-res comps from istockphoto.com. all rights reserved.)

Anywho, if you've got any bright ideas -- 'cause I sure don't right now -- holler in the comments.